বৃহস্পতিবার, ২৩ মে, ২০১৩

Medical examiner: 24 dead in Oklahoma twister

Teachers carry children away from Briarwood Elementary school after a tornado destroyed the school in south Oklahoma City, Okla, Monday, May 20, 2013. Near SW 149th and Hudson. (AP Photo/ The Oklahoman, Paul Hellstern)

Teachers carry children away from Briarwood Elementary school after a tornado destroyed the school in south Oklahoma City, Okla, Monday, May 20, 2013. Near SW 149th and Hudson. (AP Photo/ The Oklahoman, Paul Hellstern)

MOORE, Okla. (AP) ? The state medical examiner's office has revised the death toll from a tornado in an Oklahoma City suburb to 24 people, including seven children.

Spokeswoman Amy Elliot said Tuesday morning that she believes some victims were counted twice in the early chaos of the storm. Authorities said initially that as many as 51 people were dead, including 20 children.

Teams are continuing to search the rubble in Moore, 10 miles south of Oklahoma City, after the Monday afternoon tornado.

Associated Press

Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/386c25518f464186bf7a2ac026580ce7/Article_2013-05-21-Oklahoma%20Tornado-Toll%20Revised/id-d18331443c954a4fb60a15d77de6feac

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বুধবার, ২২ মে, ২০১৩

Trina McDonald, Military Rape Survivor, To Deliver 113,000 Petition Signatures To Congress

  • 'Full Battle Rattle'

    Rebekah Havrilla, out on patrol in Afghanistan. The former Army sergeant and Explosive Ordnance Disposal specialist enlisted in 2004, seeking out job training, education, "some patriotic element" after 9/11 and a way out of South Carolina. "I went in with the idea of making a career out of it," she says. "I thought, I can't be Special Forces, I can't do Rangers because I don't have a penis -- closest thing I can get to actually doing that type of job is EOD [Explosive Ordnance Disposal]."

  • Shot Hole

    Havrilla crouches in the remnants of a "demolition shot" she and her team did of a "bunch of captured enemy munitions" outside of Forward Operating Base Gardez, in Afghanistan. "It's a very male dominated, hypermasculine environment, so you've got to be the tomboy, kind of, 'let's play cowboys and indians. And soldiers,'" she says. But to some, this also meant persistent sexual harassment and even assault.

  • Rebekah Havrilla

    Havrilla says intense nightmares kept her from sleep, night after night, after she got back from Afghanistan -- until recently, when she moved to New York. Though Havrilla says that at first she suffered from the kind of hyper-vigilance described by fellow combat veterans in urban settings, she loves the city -- namely because it is so different than where she grew up, in a conservative Christian family in rural South Carolina. She is getting her Masters and working for the Service Women's Action Network (SWAN).

  • Tia Christopher

    An early photo of Tia Christopher, who joined the Navy at age 18 in 2000 and was out just under a year later, honorably discharged with a "personality disorder."

  • Women Veterans

    Tia Christopher and her friend Aston Tedford at a women veterans retreat in Arizona several years ago. Christopher now works as an advocate for veterans, in particular victims of MSA, and has written guidance on the subject.

  • Jungle

    Tia Christopher in a favorite photo.

  • 'I'm Beautiful Despite The Flames'

    Tia Christopher sent this photo of her recently completed tattoo Friday, Sept. 28. Written in Arabic, she says "her motto" -- which covers scars from her assault -- more literally translates: "Despite the flames that devoured my flesh, I am still beautiful."

  • Tia Christopher

  • Balloons

    Claire Russo in a childhood photo.

  • Claire & Coconut

    Claire Russo pictured at 10 years old, in 1989 with "Coconut." Russo grew up near Washington, D.C., and worked on the Hill. "I was sort of -- well no, a really privileged middle-class kid," she says. "I was just fascinated with the debate, and the decisions the government was making ? And I remember a very strong desire to serve."

  • Claire Russo Salutes Her Cousin

    Claire Russo in 2004 at Quantico, right after being commissioned, saluting her cousin Tom Winkle, a Navy lieutenant and pilot. Russo lived with Winkle in San Diego, and was with him the night of her assault, at the Marine Corps Ball. It was Winkle that reported Russo's assault; she did not want to report, being afraid for her career.

  • Basic School

    Claire Russo (right) with her roommate at The Basic School in Quantico, Va., after finishing a field exercise. Russo says that one of the 30 females in the class of 180 was raped in the barracks while she was at The Basic School.

  • Fallujah Courtyard

    Claire Russo in a courtyard in Fallujah, Iraq, in 2006, when she served as the targeting officer for the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force. She deployed two weeks after testifying at the discharge hearing of the serviceman who raped her, Douglas Alan Dowson -- he was already in prison.

  • 'Citizen Of Courage'

    Claire Russo (front) salutes the flag during the national anthem, before she was given the "Citizen of Courage" award from the San Diego District Attorney's office in 2006. Behind her is San Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis and First Marine Expeditionary Force (IMEF) Commanding General John Sattler, who Russo says is the "only commander to ever apologize to me for what I experienced."

  • Russo And San Diego DAs

    Deputy District Attorney Gretchen Means, Claire Russo and District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis, after Russo received the "Citizens of Courage" award from the San Diego District Attorney's office at Camp Pendleton in 2006.

  • Down The Aisle

    Claire Russo at her wedding to Josh Russo. Lt. Josh Russo was stationed at Camp Pendleton, some 40 miles north, at the time of Russo's assault in 2004. He remains in the military.

  • Claire And Josh Russo

    Claire and Josh Russo on their wedding day, with friends from the Marines.

  • Russo And Her Motorcycle

    "Me on my Russian Minsk 120 cc dirt bike, in Laos. This was one day on an 8 month trip/honeymoon Josh and I took. We rode motorcylces through SE Asia, Australia and went to Africa," Russo describes in a recent email.

  • 'Marawara'

    Claire Russo in Afghanistan near the Pakistan border, on a mission with the 1st Battalion, 503rd Infantry Army Paratroopers. "I spoke with the district governor that day about how we could help to get a woman working for the Ministry of Womens Affairs working in his district," Russo writes.

  • Claire, Josh And Genevieve Russo In Paris

    Claire Russo and her husband, Josh Russo, and their baby Genevieve, here four weeks old, in Paris. Josh serves in the U.S. Army.

  • St. Genevieve

    "My 4 week old daughter Genevieve and I in front of a painting of Saint Genevieve, the patron saint of Paris, who saved the city from the Huns," Russo writes.

  • Marti Ribeiro In Front Of Village

    Marti Ribeiro served with the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines over eight years as a combat correspondent.

  • Interviewing

    As a combat correspondent, Marti Ribeiro accompanied medical convoys to remote areas without local doctors. Such clinics were set up in specific locations, so the locals needed significant advance warning of their arrival. When one such convoy came under attack, Ribeiro returned fire, earning her a <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/14/women-at-war-unseen_n_1498291.html#slide=964342">Combat Action Badge</a>, though as a female, she officially should not have been in a position to take fire.

  • 'Afghan Girls On Rooftop'

    A photograph of Afghan girls, taken by Marti Ribeiro during her deployment.

  • Ribeiro In 2006

    Marti Ribeiro and an Afghan boy in 2006.

  • 'Soaked To The Bone And Miserable'

    Marti Ribeiro titles this photo -- taken in Afghanistan in 2006 -- as "soaked to the bone and miserable."

  • Marti Ribeiro And Her Daughter Bela

    Marti Ribeiro and her daughter, Bela, in San Antonio, Texas.

  • Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/21/trina-mcdonald-petition_n_3315100.html

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    UK 'Tea Party' surges, pressuring Tories and Cameron

    They?re an upstart political movement intent on ?taking back? the country from an out-of-touch political elite accused of ignoring opposition to immigration and threats to what they consider the nation?s Christian heritage.

    The insurgents, many of them self-styled libertarians, have marched from one electoral success to another and are pushing the country?s dominant right-wing party even further to the right.

    On one side of the Atlantic, that scenario might feel familiar to anyone who witnessed the rise of the Tea Party. Yet in this case it is Britain?s Conservative Party leadership, not Republicans, who are feeling the heat. The rise of the United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP), which a poll on Tuesday put just two percentage points behind the Conservative Party itself, is on the rise and transforming British politics.

    RECOMMENDED: Keep calm and answer on: Take our United Kingdom quiz.

    The record high of 22 percent for the UKIP comes after the most important chapter in its transition from the political fringes to the mainstream, when it won more than 140 seats in the English county councils earlier this month, snatching many from the Conservatives and beating the centrist Liberal Democrats into fourth place nationally.

    Although UKIP was established to campaign for a British withdrawal from the European Union, it is evolving into a magnet for discontent about a range of issues including immigration and moves by the government to legalize gay marriage and is establishing itself as the foremost port of call for voters seeking to give a black eye to Westminster's three largest parties.

    "An exit from the EU is the start of the journey, the key in the door," says Ray Finch, the leader of a crop of new UKIP councillors who ousted Conservatives from the county council of Hampshire, a southern coast county that has traditionally been regarded as a heartland of Prime Minister David Cameron's party. "What we generally are looking towards as a party is to reduce the power of the state and the size of the state, get it out of people's lives as much as possible so that they can live without being continually harassed, spied upon, and continually taxed."

    FROM PROTEST TO POWER

    Few commentators expect UKIP to pick up large numbers of seats, if any, at the next election in 2015, primarily due to the way the mechanics of Britain's electoral system mitigate against parties whose support is spread out. Many also still view support for UKIP as a mid-term protest vote while opponents seize on what they regard as the ?false promise? of its manifesto ? which combines large-scale tax cuts with promises of investments in healthcare, education, and infrastructure along with dramatically increased spending on defense.

    Nevertheless, its dramatic rise as a political force has rattled Conservative MPs, increasing the ranks pushing for Cameron to take a hardline position on future membership of the EU. This week saw the latest rebellion by MPs from his own party, who attempted to interfere with the legislative passage of the gay marriage plans, a central plank of Cameron's attempts to transform the party's image, but which are opposed by many activists, MPs, and even some Tory cabinet ministers.

    Further pressure was heaped on his leadership when the Conservative Party's co-chairman, who is also a member of Cameron's inner circle, was forced to fend off allegations that he had dismissed his party's activists as ?swivel-eyed loons? during a conversation with journalists.

    "Loongate," which fed a Tory rebel narrative seeking to depict the Cameron leadership as a metropolitan elite divorced from the needs and instincts of the grassroots, has been seized on by UKIP's own leader Nigel Farage, a gregarious former stockbroker seemingly seldom photographed without a cigarette and a pint in his hand.

    In a bid to woo disenchanted Conservatives, he took out a full-page ad in the right-leaning Daily Telegraph on Monday in which he accused Britain's political class of being "completely out of touch with the thoughts of ordinary people."

    "Only an administration run by a bunch of college kids, none of whom have ever had a proper job in their lives, could so arrogantly write off their own supporters," wrote Farage, describing the loon comment as "the ultimate insult."

    LABOUR INROADS, TOO

    It's not just the Tories who are being damaged by UKIP. Last week the party won a council by-election in a northern English area regarded as a stronghold of the Labour Party. Statistics also show that UKIP has tended to draw support from blue-collar workers and voters on low incomes ? all groups that are the traditional bedrock for the left-of-center opposition party.

    Some analysts caution against reading too much into the UKIP by-election win in Labour's northern heartland.

    ?I would say they are less of a threat to Labour in the north than they are to the Conservatives the south," says Brendan Evans, professor of Politics at the University of Huddersfield. "The evidence suggests that, north and south, they take more votes from the Conservative Party. It?s true that they will eat into the Labour vote in the north because it is in many ways a protest vote, a vote of rejecting the political establishment and the way the current political agenda is going.... But I think that they are a bigger threat to Conservatives nationwide in that while UKIP probably won?t win parliamentary seats in the next general election they will deprive votes from the Conservatives and hand, in effect, seats over to Labour.?

    It?s a nightmare scenario for senior Conservative Party strategists seeking centrist voters, and one which might draw sympathy from Republication counterparts who have long looked over their shoulders at the Tea Party.

    For their part, UKIP activists don?t seem to be entirely unhappy with the US parallels.

    ?We come from slightly different cultures but we do understand particularly Ron Paul, who Nigel met recently and they got on famously together,? says Mr. Finch, the UKIP county councilor in Hampshire. ?We do believe as the Tea Party believes that people should be left, as far as is practicable, left to make the best of their own lives.?

    Nor, like many Tea Partiers, does he believe that the movement is a temporary phenomenon.

    ?We are here to stay. The time for the Conservatives to have changed direction was 20 years ago when UKIP was formed. We see ourselves as a radical party. The Conservative Party is and have been for many years a part of the state, the EU, and big business, which are all linked together.?

    RECOMMENDED: Keep calm and answer on: Take our United Kingdom quiz.

    Related stories

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    Source: http://news.yahoo.com/uk-tea-party-surges-pressuring-tories-cameron-181914069.html

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    Does a new J.D. Salinger documentary contain 'revelations' about the author?

    Harvey Weinstein, whose company is distributing the documentary 'Salinger,' hinted at great secrets in the new movie, but Salinger's son Matthew is disparaging of the film.

    By Molly Driscoll,?Staff Writer / May 21, 2013

    A sign warns visitors not to enter the New Hampshire property of author J.D. Salinger.

    Edmund Fountain/Valley News/AP

    Enlarge

    This year?s Cannes Film Festival saw the screening of a preview of the buzzed-about documentary ?Salinger,? which centers on the reclusive ?Catcher in the Rye? author.

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    The movie is directed by Shane Salerno, who has served as the screenwriter for films such as the 2012 film ?Savages? and the 1998 movie ?Armageddon.? The footage screened during the festival showed interviews with other authors such as E.L. Doctorow and Gore Vidal as well as a reference to ?the biggest secret of [Salinger?s] lifetime.?

    Salerno is also serving as a producer and writer on the film.

    The Weinstein Company is distributing the film and Harvey Weinstein told the Guardian that the movie contains some surprises.

    ?It depends how you define a great revelation,? Weinstein said when asked specifically whether the movie offered new information about the author, who died in 2010. ?I hope the audience will keep the secret of the film, and won't tell their neighbors, just like they did for The Crying Game. If I told you what it was they'd kill me. Shane Salerno directed Savages, so I am definitely not going to tell you.?

    However, Salinger?s son Matthew told the New York Times that neither he nor his father cooperated with Salerno and that he doesn?t believe anyone who was close to Salinger worked with the documentary filmmaker, either.

    ?There were barely enough people to form a circle in the last 30 or 40 years,? Matthew Salinger said of his father?s acquaintances.

    He said he doesn?t think the finished product will measure up to all the hype.?

    ?I would only wish this were as serious-minded a piece of work as he would have us believe,? he said of Salerno.

    The movie is scheduled to be released Sept. 6.

    Source: http://rss.csmonitor.com/~r/feeds/csm/~3/pjJYb5UUKvg/Does-a-new-J.D.-Salinger-documentary-contain-revelations-about-the-author

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    মঙ্গলবার, ২১ মে, ২০১৩

    Sennheiser's HDVD 800 digital headphone amp now available in the US for $2,000

    Analog may be king for audiophiles, but digital is the future, friends, and Sennheiser knows it. That's why it built the HDVD 800 digital headphone amplifier to improve the sound of your digital tunes, and now stateside listeners can finally get their mitts on the thing. That's right, folks, a year after it was revealed across the pond alongside its analog brother, Senn's digital offering's finally available in the US for just a nickel less than two grand. Folks looking to part with the necessary cash to improve their listening pleasure can do so at the company's online storefront linked below.

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    Source: Sennheiser

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    Arias trial wraps for day after series of motions

    Jodi Arias watches as her defense attorneys Jennifer Wilmott, center, and Kirk Nurmi ask to withdraw from the case on Monday, May 20, 2013, during the penalty phase of her Arias' murder trial at Maricopa County Superior Court in Phoenix, Ariz. The judge promptly denied their request. Arias was convicted of first-degree murder on May 8, 2013 in the stabbing and shooting to death of Travis Alexander, 30, in his suburban Phoenix home in June 2008. (The Arizona Republic, Rob Schumacher, Pool)

    Jodi Arias watches as her defense attorneys Jennifer Wilmott, center, and Kirk Nurmi ask to withdraw from the case on Monday, May 20, 2013, during the penalty phase of her Arias' murder trial at Maricopa County Superior Court in Phoenix, Ariz. The judge promptly denied their request. Arias was convicted of first-degree murder on May 8, 2013 in the stabbing and shooting to death of Travis Alexander, 30, in his suburban Phoenix home in June 2008. (The Arizona Republic, Rob Schumacher, Pool)

    Judge Sherry Stephens meets with prosecutor Juan Martinez, left, and defense attorneys Jennifer Wilmott and Kirk Nurmi, right, after denying a motion for mistrial on Monday, May 20, 2013 during the penalty phase of Jodi Arias' murder trial at Maricopa County Superior Court in Phoenix, Ariz. Arias was convicted May 8, 2013 of first-degree murder in the stabbing and shooting to death of Travis Alexander, 30, in his suburban Phoenix home in June 2008. (AP Photo/The Arizona Republic, Rob Schumacher, Pool)

    Jodi Arias cries as Steven Alexander, brother of murder victim Travis Alexander, makes his "victim impact statement" to the jury on Thursday, May 16, 2013, during the penalty phase of the Jodi Arias trial at Maricopa County Superior Court in Phoenix. Jodi Arias was convicted of first-degree murder in the stabbing and shooting to death of Travis Alexander, 30, in his suburban Phoenix home in June 2008. (AP Photo/The Arizona Republic, Rob Schumacher, Pool)

    (AP) ? Defense attorneys for Jodi Arias asked the judge to remove them from the case and declare a mistrial Monday, arguing the frenzy surrounding the case has created a modern-day witch hunt.

    The judge denied both motions, and Arias planned to take the stand Tuesday. Jurors will find out then if she tells them the same thing she told a local reporter: She'd rather be executed than spend her life in prison.

    Defense attorneys told the judge they would call no witnesses after a key witness refused to take the stand because of death threats.

    They argued the attention the case has received has made it impossible for Arias to receive a fair trial. Defense lawyer Kirk Nurmi alleged the prosecutor has fanned the flames with incendiary attacks on witnesses, stirring up outrage among the public. He noted an earlier defense expert witness also received death threats.

    "This cannot be a modern day version ... of witch trials," Nurmi said.

    After Judge Sherry Stephens denied their mistrial request, Nurmi and defense lawyer Jennifer Willmott asked to withdraw. The judge promptly rejected that request, too.

    It was the second time in the past week that the defense has asked to step down.

    The defense attorneys continued with their protest of the unfavorable rulings by saying they had no plans to call any witnesses, sending the court into recess as the lawyers worked to resolve the next step. They later decided Arias would speak to the jury Tuesday.

    Arias, a close friend from California and an ex-boyfriend had been expected to speak to jurors before the panel begins deliberating whether to sentence the 32-year-old to life in prison or execution for murdering her lover in 2008.

    The same jury convicted Arias on May 8 of first-degree murder in the death of Travis Alexander.

    Last week, the panel heard tearful comments from Alexander's brother and sister as they described how his killing has torn apart their lives.

    Stephens instructed jurors they could consider a handful of factors when deciding what sentence to impose, including the fact that Arias had no previous criminal record. Stephens said they also could consider defense assertions that Arias is a good friend, had an abusive childhood and is a talented artist.

    In opening statements, prosecutor Juan Martinez told jurors none of those factors should cause them to even consider a sentence other than death, given the brutal nature of the killing.

    Nurmi explained to jurors that once they understand "who Ms. Arias is, you will understand that life is the appropriate sentence."

    Arias acknowledged killing Alexander at his suburban Phoenix home on June 4, 2008. She initially denied any involvement and later blamed the attack on masked intruders. Two years after her arrest, Arias said she killed Alexander in self-defense.

    The victim suffered nearly 30 knife wounds, had his throat slit from ear to ear and was shot in the forehead. Prosecutors say the attack was fueled by jealous rage after Alexander wanted to end his affair with Arias and prepared to take a trip to Mexico with another woman.

    The jury deliberated for about 15 hours over four days before reaching a verdict in the guilt phase of the trial. The panel later took less than three hours to determine the killing was especially cruel, meaning the death penalty would be a consideration for sentencing.

    The ongoing penalty proceedings make up the trial's final phase. Jurors are expected to begin deliberating Arias' ultimate fate this week.

    Under Arizona law, if the jury cannot reach a unanimous decision on sentencing, the panel will be dismissed and jury selection will begin anew. Another panel would then be seated to hear arguments in only the penalty phase to determine a sentence. If the second panel cannot reach a unanimous agreement, the judge will then sentence Arias to either her entire life in prison or life in prison with the possibility of release after 25 years.

    The most anticipated part of the penalty phase will be when Arias speaks to jurors, though exactly what she will say remains a mystery. Within minutes of her murder conviction, Arias complicated efforts for her defense when she gave the interview to Fox affiliate KSAZ, saying she preferred death over life in prison.

    Arizona defense attorney Thomas Gorman, who has handled dozens of death penalty cases, said Martinez may not need to mention Arias' comments in the television interview to jurors, given they haven't been sequestered throughout the trial.

    "They just can't avoid it," Gorman said. "If they're at a bar or a restaurant, they're going to see and hear things."

    Arias also cannot choose the death penalty. It's up to the jury to determine a sentence. And while death penalty appeals are automatic in Arizona, she could choose not to pursue additional appeals if she indeed wanted to die for her crime.

    Associated Press

    Source: http://hosted2.ap.org/APDEFAULT/386c25518f464186bf7a2ac026580ce7/Article_2013-05-20-US-Boyfriend-Slaying/id-3548a2ab1a824dc482a2a25df3458252

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    LG to demo 5-inch unbreakable and flexible plastic OLED panel at SID

    LG to demo 5inch flexible and unbreakable plastic OLED panel at SID 2013

    LG's got quite a bit in store for us this week at SID's annual display exhibition in Vancouver. In addition to that 55-inch curved OLED TV we first heard about last month, the company will be demonstrating a very nifty 5-inch OLED panel. Created for mobile devices, the display is constructed of plastic, making it both flexible and unbreakable -- certainly a welcome quality when it comes to smartphone design.

    Also on display will be 5- and 7-inch HD Oxide TFT panels. That first size features a bezel that's just 1mm wide, enabling a borderless frame when installed in smartphones. Both displays are lightweight and consume less power than their traditional equivalents. Finally, LG will have a 14-inch 2560x1440-pixel laptop panel on hand, along with LCDs designed for use in refrigerators and automotive dashboards. We'll be live from the SID show floor later this week -- check back for our hands-ons with all of these new LG panels, and quite a bit more.

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    Source: http://feeds.engadget.com/~r/weblogsinc/engadget/~3/2hMmBw2nwrM/

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    South Korea: The little dynamo that sneaked up on the world

    South Korea, long in the shadow of other Asian 'tiger economies,' is suddenly hip and enormously prosperous ? so much so that it may have outgrown its thankless dream of reuniting with the North.

    By Scott Duke Harris,?Contributor / May 19, 2013

    Shoppers, tourists, and businessmen and women walk along Gangnam Boulevard at night on March 23, 2013 in Gangnam-gu, Seoul, South Korea.

    Ann Hermes/The Christian Science Monitor

    Enlarge

    For months the young emperor to the north has been threatening to turn this thriving metropolis into a "sea of fire." But it's not easy to ruffle the jaunty vibe of 75-year-old Kim Chong-shik as he strolls among young couples and shoppers along the boutiques of the Gangnam District.

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    Living well, it's said, is the best revenge. "I never imagined it would be like this," he says, grinning, not far from a playfully misplaced sign on a coffeehouse: Beverly Hills City Limits.

    The retired civil servant, who remembers the Korean War and its miserable aftermath, cuts a dapper figure against a springtime cold snap, a green silk scarf peeking out from his handsome wool overcoat.

    Why so stylish? "Because I live here!"

    Ten million people live in Seoul, the heart of a huge sprawl that is home to half of the Republic of Korea's 49 million people. It is a hard-charging, high-pressure, high-tech hub of the 21st-century global economy ? and sits in the cross hairs of an enemy who seems unaware the cold war ended a generation ago. North Korean missile installations are just 30 miles away ? and now the threats are nuclear.

    Yet not long ago, the dream of a single Korea ? reconciled in peace like Germany, not through war like Vietnam ? seemed like a destiny within reach. As recently as two months ago, Koreans from the south were still crossing the demilitarized zone (DMZ) to go to work alongside 50,000 northerners at the Kaesong industrial park, a legacy of the South's old "Sunshine Policy" of reconciliation. The Kaesong facility opened four years after athletes from both Koreas marched into the 2000 Sydney Olympics under a flag depicting a united peninsula. That same year South Korea's president was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. And Koreans have long embraced the idea that they are of "one blood." A January 2011 survey by the Korean Broadcasting System found that 71.6 percent of South Koreans favored reunification, and nearly as many said they would be willing to pay taxes to support it.

    But the ardor for reunification has cooled with a new round of tensions this year. Pyongyang's threats appear to have decimated the southerners' goodwill: In just six months there was a precipitous drop in the number of South Koreans who consider northerners a "neighbor" or "one of us," from 64.2 percent as late as November 2012 to 37.3 percent in late April, and a spike to 46 percent considering northerners as strangers at best, if not enemies.

    North Korea's new weaponry and "Supreme Leader" Kim Jong-un's bombast ? including recent nuclear and missile tests ? raise fears that a single Korea might happen in the worst way possible, through horrible violence.

    Thoughts of a path to unity make Kim Chong-shik's smile disappear: "I worry about it a lot. We've gone in opposite directions. The differences are so great. It would be very difficult."

    A hip prosperity

    South Korea has never been so prosperous, so gregarious, so hip ? so much so that it seems as if the nation sneaked up on the world.

    As "the American century" fades, and the 21st century is said to "belong to China," it may make more sense to speak of "the Asian century" ? and now is South Korea's moment. And in that moment, it shines in such stark contrast to the sad state of North Korea ? so impoverished its people literally stand a few inches shorter than their southern cousins. The peninsula's bipolar condition is reflected most aptly in its leading personalities. The stocky K-pop party rocker Psy spreads "Gangnam Style" to the world while the North's pudgy supreme leader, like his father and grandfather before him, spreads menace, Pyongyang style.

    The nuclear saber-rattling may have prompted the United States in March to add B-52 and B-2 stealth bombers to its annual military exercises with South Korea, but there are few outward signs of distress among South Koreans themselves. Seoul's stock market took it all in stride, and 50,000 Psy fans jammed a Seoul stadium for a mid-April concert that premi?red his new song and video "Gentleman," in which Psy does not seem gentlemanly at all. Nobody expects him or any act, anywhere, to soon top the 1.5 billion-plus YouTube viewings of "Gangnam Style."

    Psy's global success has made him a national hero. He is, in a sense, a flamboyant, fun-loving, globe-trotting version of the "industrial warriors" hailed by South Korean politicians for transforming this small nation into an economic powerhouse. While the Korean Wave exports K-pop and TV and film dramas far and wide, the rest of South Korea Inc. keeps cranking out computer chips, smart phones, TVs, autos, oil tankers, and container ships, while also building skyscrapers, highways, and shopping malls at home and abroad. In the first quarter of 2013, as Pyongyang started to act up, South Korea's gross domestic product jumped markedly over recent quarters. Samsung Electronics recorded a 42 percent spike in profits in its sixth straight quarter of growth as it pulls away from Apple in the smart-phone market.

    South Koreans, clearly, aren't easily distracted. At Hyundai Motor Group headquarters, Doh Bo-eun, a mild-mannered economist and father of teenage girls, explains that it's pointless to dwell on Pyongyang when his duty is to study how the European Union's troubles may affect auto exports.

    Over at the entertainment firm CJ E&M ? Psy's label ? music division president Ahn Joon likens North Korea's threats to a mild illness, and says he worries more about ways to keep K-pop popping. That's why the colorfully coiffed Wonder Boyz put in marathon rehearsals at a Gangnam studio, working to make it big before they must report for compulsory military duty.

    Until recently, South Korea only seemed to make news when North Korea caused trouble. Today's confrontation may portend more than the lethal violence of 2010, when 46 South Korean sailors were killed in the sinking of the naval vessel Cheonan, and later two marines and two civilians were killed in the shelling of the Yeonpyeong Islands. (North Korea denies being responsible for the sinking; an international investigation concludes it was.) At that time, South Korea's cooler heads prevailed, opting for a measured military retaliation against North Korean gun positions and vowing harsher payback for further attacks. The vow continues under newly elected Park Geun-hye, the nation's first female president and the daughter of a former military dictator credited with laying the foundation for South Korea's success and creating its Ministry of Unification. Yet even after the sinking of the Cheonan, Ms. Park's predecessor, President Lee Myung-bak, was optimistic enough to propose a "reunification tax" to prepare the country for its likely destiny.

    Korean nationalism is a potent force, whether it refers to one nation, the other, or the imagined third. Yet for much of its history Korea has been dominated by foreign powers. In the first great war of the 20th century, Japan shocked the Western world when its forces throttled Russia to strengthen its domination of the Korean Peninsula and Manchuria ? a part of the Korean "Hermit Kingdom."

    South Korea's population is 2/5ths the size of Japan's, 1/7th the size of the US's, and 1/26th the size of China's, but pound for pound, it's outpunching the economic heavyweights. Once also-rans, companies like Samsung Electronics, LG, and Hyundai Motors are going toe-to-toe with the likes of Apple, Intel, Sony, Toyota, and Ford. Critics point out that Apple defeated Samsung in a high-profile patent case last year. Silicon Valley has long portrayed South Korea as "a fast follower," better at imitating than innovating. Samsung, however, is adept at collaboration: Apple used its chips in the iPhone, while Samsung's smart phones run Google's Android operating system. And Samsung has bragging rights to the No. 1 market share in TVs and memory chips ? as well as one of the world's biggest arsenals of patents.

    South Korea's tech know-how has also helped drive its success in entertainment. It was the Chinese, in the late 1990s, who first fell hard for Korea's TV melodramas and other entertainment, dubbing it hallyu ? Mandarin for Korean Wave, which has since spread globally by satellite and Internet, winning fans in Europe, the Americas, and the Arab world. South Korea was early to embrace the Internet, rewiring Seoul for lightning-fast connections in the 1990s.

    While Psy and several other Korean stars are original talents, K-pop has also thrived through its "idol" model. Mr. Ahn, the music executive, is matter-of-fact about the starmaking machinery that casts young talent for girl groups that resemble Korean Barbies and boy groups that look like Japanese anime characters. The songwriting formula requires English lyrical hooks for wider appeal.

    South Korea's export-dependent economy faced a stiff test in the 2008 financial meltdown and the global recession ? and held up remarkably well. Data compiled by the Organization of Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) shows that South Korea's growth slowed to 0.3 percent in 2009, but the nation, unlike most, never slipped into recession. From 2004 to 2011, its unemployment rate never rose above 3.7 percent while income per capita soared 36 percent, to $30,366. South Korea's yin and yang of capitalism and socialism, meanwhile, has long provided universal health care and other safety-net benefits.

    Not all news is upbeat. South Koreans' new affluence also produced a housing bubble and an unwise tendency to splurge on status symbols. When Psy sings "Hey, sexy lady," he is lampooning Seoul's strutting nouveau riche. High household debt is considered South Korea's greatest domestic economic challenge. Along with Louis Vuitton, Prada, and other chic brands, signs of affluence include $15 cups of gourmet coffee and occasional glimpses of women wearing hoods to obscure their recovery from cosmetic surgery. South Korea is the world's per capita leader in nipping and tucking, with Westernized eyes especially popular.

    South Korea also holds a grimmer global distinction: It is No. 1 in suicides per capita among the 34 nations in the OECD ? and by a wide margin. The rise has been startling and hard to understand. A 2012 report (based on data from 2010), put South Korea's suicide rate at 33.5 per 100,000 people, up from 28.4 in 2009.

    Explanations are elusive. As in many Asian cultures, a high premium is placed on reputation, or "face." In one report, South Korea's Ministry of Health and Welfare cited "complicated socioeconomic reasons and a growing number of one-person households" as contributing factors. As South Korea has become more affluent and image-conscious, the flip side of success may be financial ruin and shame. Notably, in 2009, a year after he left office, former President Roh Moo-hyun committed suicide by leaping off a cliff amid allegations of corruption.

    Most suicides don't make headlines. At the elite Korean Advanced Institute of Science and Technology, there have been a half-dozen suicides in recent years. Misgivings are expressed about a driven, ultracompetitive culture that produces students who score 97 percent on an exam and consider it a failure.

    "Too many young people are very unhappy," says Han Sang-geun, a math professor. "If they don't succeed, you know, they are devastated."

    Once a foreign aid recipient, now a donor

    Time was that Koreans considered rice a luxury. During the Korean War and for many years after, recalls retired Army Maj. Gen. Ahn Kwang-chan, his village survived on a gruel of barley, which is much easier to grow than rice. Meat was for special occasions.

    Well into the 1970s, South Koreans were in worse shape than their northern cousins, who benefited from ties within the Communist sphere. South Korea depended heavily on foreign aid, mostly from the US, including payment for more than 300,000 soldiers who fought communists in Vietnam. Today, South Korea is the world's only nation that has transformed itself from major recipient of foreign aid to major donor ? with North Korea as a beneficiary.

    The rags-to-riches tale is sometimes called "the Miracle of the Han River," the waterway that curves through Seoul and empties at an estuary on the DMZ. (Gangnam means "south of the river.") But the wellspring of the nation's success, many say, can be traced to a different han. The word signifies a distinctly Korean pain ? the sorrow, anger, and unresolved injustice borne of subjugation. A prime example: the 200,000 "comfort women" of World War II forced to provide sex to Japanese soldiers.

    The Allied victory liberated Korea from Japan but added new layers of han. The Ko-reans were divided by rival superpowers, creating conditions for fratricidal war five years later that began with an invasion ordered by North Korea's Kim Il-sung, whose grandson now leads the Pyongyang regime. The South's soldiers included Park Chung-hee, who in 1961 would seize power in a South Korea military coup and later prevail in an election to formally claim the title of president. The first President Park was an authoritarian figure who threatened to jail the patriarchs of the country's most powerful families ? and later worked with them to create the chaebol system of conglomerates to develop the nation's export-oriented economy. Only 15 years ago, near the dawn of the Sunshine Policy, the Asian financial crisis threatened to crash South Korea's banking system and bring the miracle to an abrupt end. The country was vulnerable in part because the chaebols were considered too big to fail.

    "It was the survival of the fattest," explains Tcha Moon-joong, a director at the government-backed Korean Development Institute. On the brink of ruin, South Korea accepted $47 billion in emergency loans from the International Monetary Fund (IMF). South Korea Inc. was stripped down and rebuilt. Four wasteful chaebols were dismantled, with Daewoo selling its auto works to General Motors. Samsung, Hyundai, and others restructured. The result: a leaner, tougher economic machine.

    The IMF's, however, wasn't the only help that South Korea received. Thousands of Ko-reans like taxi driver Yoo Man-su lined up to donate gold jewelry and heirlooms to shore up the nation's reserves. Athletes donated gold medals. In raw monetary terms, the value was modest ? but the collective emotional message was powerful. Several Asian countries were in crisis, but only South Koreans had this response. More recently, "when Greece got into trouble, the Greeks reached for rocks and threw them," Mr. Tcha points out. "Here, the people reached for gold and gave it to help the nation."

    Such was the patriotism and the sense of sacrifice of the han generation. The Gangnam generation, Tcha says, lacks that "hungry spirit."

    Leno can't kick Hyundai around anymore

    At Hyundai headquarters, Choi Myoung-wha, vice president of marketing strategy, remembers her days at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Va., and laughing about Jay Leno's Hyundai jokes. ("Researchers have discovered a way to double the value of a Hyundai. Just fill it up.")

    Today Hyundai Motors is the world's fifth largest automaker, in part because of its reputation for quality ? even if it did issue a massive recall in April regarding faulty air bags. Hyundai put an end to the jokes in 1999 with a "bet the company" move that paid off: "America's Best Warranty" ? a 10-year, 100,000-mile guarantee.

    Hyundai and its sister Kia line are ubiquitous in South Korea, but its global reach may be more impressive. Last year, Hyundai's newest factory, in Brazil, started producing hatchbacks designed for the South American market. The new facility signified the completion of a strategy that had already put factories in Russia, India, and China ? the so-called BRIC group of large, fast-growing economies. Hyundai has three factories in China, Ms. Choi says, capable of pushing 1 million cars per year into what is already the world's largest auto market. It also has factories in the Czech Republic, Turkey, and the US, in Alabama.

    The ground floor of Hyundai headquarters here doubles as a showroom for leading models such as the Sonata hybrid and popular Elantra. Another display promotes its hydrogen-powered, zero-emission car. Hyundai boasts that it is the first carmaker to introduce the assembly-line production of such vehicles, to fulfill orders from progressive Scandinavian governments.

    Choi dismisses the rap that South Korea is merely a fast imitator, considering the innovations coming from Hyundai and Samsung. Now South Korea has become a trendsetter, and the Galaxy smart phones and K-pop have indirectly helped the nation's auto industry.

    "The Korean Wave clearly plays into the country-of-origin effect," she says, "and does so in a very positive way."

    South Korea's collective success, she suggests, reflects a lesson described in Malcolm Gladwell's "Outliers": Research shows that 10,000 hours of work are needed to achieve mastery in a particular endeavor ? and such mastery creates conditions for creativity.

    Long hours are part of the Korean work ethic, starting from grade school on into careers. After a regular school day, students often do a second shift in private academies known as hogwans. Some students spend 12 or 13 hours a day in one school or another. Even parents who find it excessive say they feel compelled to help their children prevail in this competitive culture ? and, it follows, anywhere else in the world.

    South Korea's human wave also includes a global legion of multilingual corporate representatives, entrepreneurs, and students. Seoul Global High School is a public boarding school that aims "to nurture international specialists." It selects students through an application and interview process, and teaches in both Korean and English. Twenty percent of its graduates attend foreign universities, mostly in the US, with the rest typically entering South Korea's elite universities. Seoul Global's dorms discourage the hogwan system, but it's still intense: Tae kwon do is mandatory, with first-year students starting at 6 a.m., and music is mandatory as well. "They can graduate only if they know how to play an instrument," the principal explains.

    The education obsession, blamed by some as a factor in the high suicide rate, has moved South Korean students toward the top in international academic rankings. Koreans, Choi says, "have a passion for being No. 1."

    Electing a woman to face the North

    With the inauguration of Ms. Park, South Korea claimed another first. "It's a great thing! Our people selected a lady president!" Ahn, the retired Army general, says. "How wonderful it is!" No other nation in Northeast Asia, he notes, has ever elected a woman as its leader. "When do you think a lady prime minister will be chosen to lead Japan? Or China? Or Russia?"

    He has other reasons to be happy. In electing a conservative, Korea's voters, in a sense, affirmed Ahn's recent service as a top national security adviser to conservative Mr. Lee and the handling of the 2010 clashes with North Korea. The election of Park last December signifies continuity more than change.

    The looming question is whether Park and Mr. Kim will navigate toward war or peace. Also key is how China, long supportive of Pyongyang and of a divided Korea, will apply pressure, given Beijing's displeasure over Kim's nukes.

    In his unpretentious Seoul home, Ahn politely demurs from a discussion of politics, preferring to discuss Korean character. He shows his "family book," which he says records 28 generations. (Mr. Yoo, the cabbie, brags his goes back 31.) There is a box of Titleist golf balls on his desk, and beneath the glass desktop is a favorite proverb: "If there's no road, make it. Hope starts here."

    The Sunshine Policy was such a road. The name was inspired by Aesop's fable about a contest between the wind and the sun to force a man to remove his cloak. The wind just made the man grip his cloak tighter, while the sun's warmth inspired him to remove it on his own.

    The policy had produced tangible advances. But progress stalled and tensions resumed, culminating in the clashes of 2010. After the North's "Dear Leader," Kim Jong-il, died in late 2011, there was hope that his son, who had been educated in Europe, might chart a new course. But today a common perspective here is that after South Korea offered an olive branch, the young Kim brandished weapons of mass destruction.

    A journey to the DMZ offers as little insight into the cloistered, enigmatic North as a shopping spree in Gangnam. Instead, it's better to hike up a hill through an old, gentrified neighborhood north of the Han River and visit the North Korea Graduate School of Kyungnam University. Inside the library, in a room marked "restricted access," a collection of recent North Korean publications includes the nation's largest news-paper, with a front page laid out as sheet music and lyrics extolling Kim and titled "The Person Who Holds the Key to Our Fate and Future." Inside pages display undated propaganda photos flaunting the nation's firepower and resolve.

    These glimpses of North Korea's menace contrast with the urbane panorama of Seoul, which from this vantage includes the Blue House, the nation's executive office and home to Park. Like her counterpart in Pyongyang, she is heir to a political legacy, but otherwise the two have little in common. At 61, she is twice Kim's age. While Pyongyang has bizarrely faulted her "venomous swish of skirt," she is perceived as very much her father's daughter, with a toughness and pragmatism tempered by experience. "To most South Koreans, Madame Park is not so much a woman leader as [she is] her father, Park Chung-hee, personified in a woman's body," says Bong Young-shik, a senior research fellow at the Asan Institute.

    South Korea's new president was a young student in France when, in 1974, her mother was killed in an assassination attempt on Mr. Park, prompting the young Ms. Park to assume the duties of first lady. Five years later, after her father was killed by his own spy chief during a drinking bout, it's said that her first concern was that North Korea might seize the moment to attack. She never married and later served in the National Assembly, immersing herself in politics. Her campaign played "the gender card," Mr. Bong says, but also emphasizes her experience in the Blue House, the mentorship of her father, and political experience. During the Sunshine period, she met Kim's father in Pyongyang.

    On May 7, Park visited President Obama at the White House. At a joint press conference both affirmed the nations' solidarity and vowed that Pyongyang's threats would not win concessions. "North Korea will not be able to survive if it only clings to developing its nuclear weapons at the expense of its people's happiness," Park said. "However, should North Korea choose the path of becoming a responsible member of the community of nations, we are willing to provide assistance ... with the international community."

    Can the North do the Gangnam gallop?

    Back in Gangnam, Mr. Kim, the retired civil servant, gives a thumbs-up. That's his opinion of Psy, whose popularity is something to behold. Industrial warriors, college professors, students, random shoppers ? all seem to root for Psy. Young people say that when they travel abroad ? and are invariably asked if they're Japanese or Chinese ? new acquaintances are excited by the answer.

    "Some people start doing the dance," says a 20-year-old woman at a cos-metics shop, laughing as she demonstrates the Gangnam gallop. Her phone buzzes ? and she answers first in English, then French, then Korean. Later she explains that she recently moved home after several years in Paris ? and that, thanks to K-pop, Parisiennes now tell her they want to visit Seoul.

    Many South Koreans profess indifference to Pyongyang, and many are quick to offer political assessments. The comments jibe with that April survey by the Asan Institute that showed, for the first time, more southerners considering northerners strangers or enemies rather than "one of us" or neighbors.

    "There is a fundamental break happening in attitudes on the North," Karl Friedhoff, an Asan spokesman, wrote in an e-mail. "While previously South Koreans wanted to see the South absorb the North, there has been a change in that a majority, albeit slim, would prefer to see a federation ? the two states co-existing."

    But the future may hold a different scenario. The idea of reunification now seems daunting. There is the human dimension: Time, many point out, has faded old family ties. After generations of divergent experience, are Koreans really still one great tribe of 75 million people? Could South Koreans respect northerners as equals? And then there's the economic effect: How much would this cost? How much would taxes go up? In a merger of strength and weakness, could South Korea lift up the North ? or would the North drag its neighbor down?

    The feeling persists that reunification may be inevitable ? even though the differences may be irreconcilable. A single Korea has always been a pretty thought. But getting there, and being there, could get ugly.

    Source: http://rss.csmonitor.com/~r/feeds/csm/~3/4il4ubspk5o/South-Korea-The-little-dynamo-that-sneaked-up-on-the-world

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    The Plural of ?Noonan? Is Not ?Data? (Balloon Juice)

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    When Friendships Go Bad and How to Fix Them | Dr. Gerald Stein ...

    ex-friends

    Smooth sailing is always a temporary thing, even in friendship. However great is the joy of being with your best friend, there will come a time when things are not perfect. Your interests and his interests will almost inevitably collide; one will do something that disappoints the other.

    I?ll begin by giving you some examples of the kinds of issues that make the water choppy. Then, I?ll point out a possible way back to a place of less turbulence and make some suggestions about how you might navigate there. Even if things do get stormy, surviving the torrent can sometimes strengthen the relationship.

    THE PROBLEMS:

    • Sometimes you think of your relationship to your friend differently than he thinks of it. He may consider you simply a business associate, while you think he is someone closer and more important than that. This is rather like having a romance with someone who simply enjoys sex with you, but isn?t in love with you, even though you are in love with him. Once you figure this out, you will be disappointed.
    • The world is a busy place. Your friend probably has other friends and?competing obligations. His spouse and children are likely to come first. You might get miffed, even jealous. As the old song goes, ?Wedding Bells are Breaking Up That Old Gang of Mine.?
    • You can love your friend but dislike his new girlfriend or new wife. Even a new platonic friend of yours or his might complicate the ease of getting along.
    • Politics and religion are tricky. It is likely that you will be attracted to people who are like-minded on both of those characteristics. But, if one of you changes or tries to change, convert, or persuade the other too strenuously, God help you (pun intended)! I have a friend who has long found himself in the political and religious minority in the particular part of the country where he resides. He makes his way through the relationship thicket by keeping both his politics and his religion out of conversations with his long-time buddies. It works because his comrades have, at least tacitly, accepted this. And because he is satisfied to have relationships with these limitations.
    • Both you and your friend will change over time. You might enjoy playing and watching baseball less, he might enjoy it more. You might become more judgmental, he might become more accepting. For the friendship to survive comfortably, the changes will have to be compatible.
    • You friend may well turn out to be a less moral and upstanding person than you thought he was. Sometimes this isn?t really a change, but rather a growing awareness as you get to know him better. In any case, this could make you uncomfortable. Some people try to look for the best and look away from a friend?s moral failures. But, the most egregious of those flaws are not easily ignored, especially if it eventually turns out that it is not only someone else?s ox that your friend gores, but your own.

    Before I go on with the problem list, let me tell you a story. The two men had been friends from age 14. That relationship had survived distance, when one of them moved 1000 miles away. It had survived time, about 13 years, not a lucky number as it turned out. Perhaps the back-breaking issue had to do with the wedding of one of them, which found the other being asked to be ?best man,? only later demoted to a less distinguished position in the wedding party without an explanation that satisfied him.

    There were other things, of course, and the fall-out from all of them left both parties unhappy, hurt, and aggravated. It took 10 years before they got back together.

    One might say that the relationship never really ended even though it was suspended. Both missed the other. Indeed, it is said that it is hard to really hate someone you haven?t first loved. Hatred would be too strong a word for the animosity each one felt, but despite strong resentment, somehow each still valued qualities in the other that he discovered were irreplaceable: one person?s emotional generosity, the other?s serious approach to life; their shared memories, stimulating intellect, kindred spirits, and mutual interests.

    The time away allowed them both to grow up, to understand more about the other?s grievances, to see themselves and their own errors more clearly, and to realize that the other was a kind of ?second self:? someone who made life better and without whom (whatever his shortcomings) life would be worse. Their friendship restarted and was stronger for the pain that each of them suffered. More on how they reconciled in the section on solutions (below).

    friendship dish

    Back to the problems that can cause friendships to go bad:

    • Sometimes a change in life circumstances can create a stress on your relationship to your buddy. One of you might become fabulously successful and wealthy. Or perhaps, one of you has a number of reverses in life. We are all ?hostages to fortune,? as Sir Francis Bacon said long ago. If your friend is having a tough time, your support is important. But, if his misery continues for years, the therapeutic slant to your new relationship might burden you and change the emotional tone of your time together; that is, change part of what initially brought you close. However much it would be honorable to continue to provide support, there are few friendships that would not be stressed and complicated by anything approaching this kind of relatively permanent alteration.
    • Friendships can be damaged when the two parties discover they are in competition with each other, whether for a woman, for a job, or for a trophy.
    • If you or your friend relocate or leave the place of employment at which you both work, the other may feel betrayed or abandoned. Yes, I know this isn?t ?rational.? But feelings rarely are that.
    • Continuing on the subject of betrayal, a common source of friendship difficulties occurs when something told to the other ?in confidence? gets leaked. Frequently there is a misunderstanding as to whether something is confidential or not. Other kinds of betrayals can happen, as well, particularly when a friend doesn?t stand up for you or takes the other side in a dispute.
    • Finally, friendships can sunder when one party feels that there is insufficient balance or reciprocity in the relationship. If friend #1 is always initiating the calling, texting, organizing of get-togethers, driving, giving the gifts, and picking up the dinner checks, the strain of imbalance and inequity can break the relationship. Similarly, friend #1 might come to feel ?used;? that is, of value to friend #2 only when needed to do something, not for the sake of shared companionship.

    POSSIBLE SOLUTIONS (NO GUARANTEES):

    WHAT NOT TO DO:

    • Take a deep breath. Do not ? I repeat ? do not make an irate phone call in response to the offense. Indeed, the more you feel that you must react immediately, the more likely that you should wait until a time when you?ve cooled down a bit.
    • Consider other reasons for what your friend did or didn?t do. Don?t immediately assume the worst. There are, at least sometimes, perfectly acceptable explanations.
    • If your friend is with a woman you can?t stand, there isn?t an easy remedy. But, whatever you do, don?t go to your friend and start to criticize the woman he loves! You are in a weak position. If he has to make a choice between the two of you, he will almost certainly choose the person with whom he is having sex and having babies. You may have to accept the circumstances as they are. You might have to work hard to find something in her to like and do your best to make friends with her, especially if she is jealous of your relationship to your buddy. You might have to limit your time with the two of them together, and spend more time with your friend alone. Unfortunately, it is possible that she will try to prevent that.
    • Don?t try to solve this by writing, if at all possible. Absolutely don?t handle it via text messages. There are a thousand ways that your missive can be misunderstood, since it lacks tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions to help the other person understand you. In a world that is used to immediate and impulsive full disclosure, there remain some things that must be done slowly and carefully. If at all possible, find the time to have a face-to-face conversation that is long enough to settle things down. But even before that, consider the other things I?ve listed below.
    • Remember that you can?t make your friend love you, but you can make him dislike you. Don?t turn yourself into a scold: someone who complains harshly and regularly. No one wants to be around such a person.

    WHAT TO THINK ABOUT:

    • Now that your heart rate has slowed down a little, think about the history of your relationship to your friend. What attracted you initially? How has your friend shown you kindness or generosity? What would your life be without him? When did things start to go wrong? What have you done to make it better? What have you done that made it worse?
    • The list of solutions must begin with self-examination. We almost all see the other?s flaws more acutely than our own; and weigh our pain more heavily than that of anyone else, at least compared to the other party in a grievance.
    • Who is your buddy, anyway? What motivates him? Is he a good person, or perhaps have you misunderstood who you have been dealing with? Is he even aware of your hurt feelings? Have you expected him to read your mind? Even therapists are poor at that. It is possible that he doesn?t know the extent of your unhappiness, hurt, and/or anger.
    • How important is your friend is to you? Would you miss him if you dumped him? Would he be easily replaced? Are there still significant qualities that you like about him? In the example I gave above, the friends in question both realized that they didn?t want to be without each other, even if it took 10 years to figure out!
    • As you reflect on who your friend really is,?ask yourself if the changes you?d like are possible. If you?ve been through some version of the same problem with this guy numerous times, it might be that the two of you should part ways. Either you will have to change or he will; or both of you will. Don?t discount those possibilities, but don?t ignore your experience and hope for a miracle, especially if your ?friendship? is a regular source of unhappiness.
    • You are going to have to accept some things you?d rather not. No two people are perfectly compatible. If you want perfection in your comrades, expect to lead a very lonely life.
    • Do some major soul-searching. To what extent might you have contributed to the problem? Do you expect too much from people? Are you assertive enough to set limits, or do you let others walk over you and disappoint you until you finally explode, break down, or summarily end relationships? Is there a repeating pattern of relationship problems in your own life? What part of the current dilemma has your name on it? What do you need to change about yourself?

    WHAT TO DO:

    • Write down what you?ve learned through your analysis of yourself, your friend, and the situation.
    • At some point in the process of reflection, write a letter to your friend that you don?t ever mail or email. It can help you get perspective and externalize or neutralize some of the intensity you are feeling.
    • Whatever the friendship problem is, talk to someone about it. Get an opinion and perhaps advice from a person you trust. Look for a confidant who is wise, but is willing to tell you what you need to hear, not just what you want to hear.
    • If your analysis of the situation determines that your friend is actually a scoundrel, then writing him off, however painful, is probably necessary. But remember, most people aren?t that bad.
    • If you are to save the relationship, you are going to have to talk with each other,?if at all possible, face-to-face (but, again, be hesitant to criticize his spouse).?Remember to use ?I? statements, as in ?This is how I felt when you said X? rather than, ?Look at what you did, you SOB!? Be calm. Remind the friend of what he means to you and the parts of him that you admire and appreciate. Figure out beforehand what you will need from him to put things right and be sure this is part of the discussion.
    • Apologize for your part. The two friends I mentioned earlier both accepted responsibility for the things that caused the 10-year break. Both vowed to be more direct so that resentments didn?t fester. Both saw the hurt in the other and the value in the other. Both felt genuinely sorry for the injury they had inflicted on the friend. Both let go of the past and went forward. Not every last detail was discussed and resolved. They didn?t have to be. To put it simply, love triumphed.

    How do I know all that? I?m one of the two people.

    That is what you call a happy ending.

    ?

    For a discussion of the real meaning of friendship, this may be of interest: A Friendly Discourse on Friendship.

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    Source: http://drgeraldstein.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/when-friendships-go-bad-and-how-to-fix-them/

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    Dueling Headlines: ?Michelle Obama advises grads to avoid celebrity worship? edition (Michellemalkin)

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    Source: http://news.feedzilla.com/en_us/stories/politics/top-stories/306711401?client_source=feed&format=rss

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    Sing us the song of the century, that?s louder than violent mortality (Unqualified Offerings)

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    রবিবার, ১৯ মে, ২০১৩

    The President's Umbrella Scandal Folded Before It Could Take Off

    There was a brief moment where some conservative were trying to make a scandal out of the President's moment in the rain on Thursday. But unfortunately that scandal died before it could really take off. During his Thursday press conference with Turkish Prime Minister Recep Erdogan, a Marine officer held an umbrella over the President's head to protect him from the rain. There were many problems with this, according to a select group of people.?

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    It all started, as these things do, with a Daily Caller post on Friday. They correctly pointed out that according to Marine Corps uniform regulations umbrellas are strictly off limits for male officers. Female marines are allowed to carry umbrellas under some very strict guidelines, but male officers are taught from the beginning that they are not, under any circumstances, to be caught carrying an umbrella. "Obama expects our troops to hold damn umbrellas rather than go inside: It's disrespectful, inconsiderate, classless," Lou Dobbs added over Twitter. "Mr. President, when it rains it pours, but most Americans hold their own umbrellas," Sarah Palin said at the beginning of a long Facebook post.?

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    Yes, the Marines are often forced to get wet while standing outside the White House because they cannot hold an umbrella. Yes, the Marine Corps uniform regulations state a Marine cannot hold an umbrella. But Marine spokesman?Capt. Eric Flanagan explained to the Washington Post that, according to?Title 10 of the U.S. Code, Marines must "perform such other duties as the President may direct." So when the President asks you to hold an umbrella over his head, you hold an umbrella over his head.?

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    It didn't matter that there's a long history of Marines and Secret Service members?holding umbrellas for the President, no matter which side of the aisle they represent. It also didn't matter that there are easily discoverable pictures of Sarah Palin having an umbrella held for her. They wanted to add more headaches to the President's very bad week. But, oh well. So much for Umbrellagate. It had a nice ring to it, too.?

    Source: http://news.yahoo.com/presidents-umbrella-scandal-folded-could-off-184038527.html

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